Saturday, March 3, 2012

Day #28

This was a Friday. I arrived at T.E.A.M. fitness late because of the snowy weather. I stayed after to make up what I missed. I enjoy this class because I feel it gets me out of my comfort zone in working out and I get to socialize with some really nice ladies. Came home and helped shovel my neighbor's walk/driveway. My hubby had already done ours. Went shopping with my stepmom all day until it was time for me to go back to the gym and meet with the nutritionist for a "free" consultation.

It's now Saturday when I'm writing this and it's not even 6:00 in the morning, but I'm so frustrated I can't sleep (I was really looking forward to sleeping in on my Saturday morning). Instead I'm awake and frustrated out of my mind. I'm hoping that once I write this I can get back to bed for a bit. So back to Friday, I get there and stand on this special scale that tells you your weight (which is up from my Tuesday weigh-in) and it does all this scanning. The nutritionist says that I have quite a bit of inflammation in my body and that my Body Mass Index is 40%. We go back into his office and he's asking me questions like why am I coming to the gym? I tell him I've always been confident and I want to be healthy. I have three little boys and I want to be healthy for them. I hate when people assume that fat people must be miserable with themselves. I know that is not true, at least not for this person. Yes, I like buying new clothes and fitting in smaller sizes. Yes, I like when people comment on how good I'm looking, but I was comfortable in my own skin before. He asked more questions. I told him that I feel like I have less energy then I did when I was fat. I didn't state this then but the truth of the matter is I have so much LESS energy now then I did before.... a lot less. We discussed what I've been typically eating and when. How much I work out. I told him I've been trying to eat around 1300 calories a day. He asked how I came up with this number. I told him that I'd done Weight Watchers before but it didn't even look at a calorie count and so I had no idea how many calories I was eating before. I then told him how I was eating even less when I started this contest because I wanted to win it. After I left I realized how I came up with this calorie count. I was reading the Biggest Loser books and there was an average calorie count range in there and that's how I came up with it. He told me that he had done over 500 nutrition plans and only 15 were on that low of a calorie count. He said even though I was eating healthy foods I was probably not eating enough carbs and fats. Maybe not even enough protein. I asked him if he could recommend somethings for me to eat. Here is when the not so "free" comes in. He told me about the testing they could do (hundreds of dollars) to find out hormonally where I am off and what my metabolism is. He could set up a diet plan for me for $99. I made another appointment with him to do this. I thought the testing was out of my budget. I told him I'd have to talk to my husband. This whole process just seems so dag gone expensive, but I am feeling pretty lousy a lot of the time so I wanted to do it. I thought Monte would object and I'd have to cancel. I couldn't blame him. I feel like I'm always being sold something at the gym. I came home and just started crying. Monte said I could have the testing and he wants to support me being healthy. I immediately thought about calling the trainer to see if I could move up the appointment because I wanted to start feeling better immediately. I thought I'd feel better after that but I don't. I'm at the point that I am ready to forget all about the contest aspect of this. I mean if they tell me I'm suppose to only lose 1-2 pounds a week to be healthy and then they sponsor a biggest loser competition where the goal is to lose as much weight as possible I'm getting some pretty mixed messages. I am feeling down right stressed and miserable. So here comes my rant! First he said I have a lot of inflammation. (It is now 11:28. My dear hubby woke up and was worried about me and came down and had a good "talk" it out session with me. I think my hubby is pretty darn fantastic!) I really don't understand what "a lot of inflammation" means to my weight loss process. I'm so frustrated with the fact that I'm trying to do everything right and buying more and more stuff to be healthy and I still feel overly tired and without drive to enjoy other things that I use to enjoy. Don't get me wrong. I love exercising. I love how I feel while I'm doing it and for a short while afterwards. I hate that shortly after I crash. One of the reasons I didn't buy new clothes is that I was so overwhelmed by having to go shopping for them. Say what?!!? I don't even want to go shopping?!?! That is so out of character for me. I've had a hard time just keeping up with the simplest things like reading with Trevor in the evening or getting the kitchen cleaned up. I love food. And my attitude toward it lately has been down right pathetic. I'm not enjoying what I eat most of the time. I don't feel satisfied. At least when I was doing Weight Watchers I felt I could eat some things that excited me from time to time. I kept hearing that I needed a protein shake so I stocked my refrigerator up with Muscle Milk lights just to go to the first nutrition class and hear that they have stuff added to them that makes them toxic. By the way, the gym sells these muscle milk products in their health cafe. My 40% BMI still puts me in the obese section which I thought "really?!?" Maybe I'm self delusional but I feeling like I was making good progress. After talking to my dear husband I calmed down enough to go to bed. This is what I have worked out. I'm going to up my calories to 1500. I am going to forget having my main focus on this contest. It's just making me miserable. I'm going to keep trying to be healthy. Hopefully I'll lose the pounds in the process but I can't keep doing this to myself. So as of Day #28 I'm not going to post every day. I'll post if I feel something is noteworthy. It's time to get back to feeling good about my life. It's time to get back to being excited about being healthy instead of being overwhelmed by it.

6 comments:

  1. London,
    I have been discouraged about my weight for a long time. A friend even got me started at a gym, and I just froze my membership, because I was only making it for 1 class a week, if that, and it just wasn't worth it. I have thought about taking the dog for a jog, but I guess losing weight just isn't my priority right now. I am really proud of your accomplishments, and I can relate to getting down about it, but hang in there...you're doing great! love ya! Megs

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    1. Megs-
      Love you back. I understand about it not being the priority. The last few years have been so overwhelming with the job situations and health issues with my family members that I just couldn't focus on it. I must have been in the dark ages because all I remember before about losing weight was looking for "low fat" foods and "high fiber". I swear the gym that I go to has a test for everything. And they'd love to sell it to you. Thanks for the words of encouragement. Hugs!

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  2. here's my two cents. To hell with something that makes you feel miserable. I'm not sure what he's referring to regarding all of this 'inflammation' but I do know that there are plenty of app. online that you can use for free that show how much you should eat per day depending on your height and weight and how much you are targeting to lose per week. I too think that you were eating too little for all of the exercise you were doing and I'll bet if you up your calories a bit you'll feel not so exhausted. (your cute little machine body needs more fuel.) Through 99% of my weight loss journey I drank protein shakes for breakfast (still do mostly). If they are toxic then bring it on :) I buy the whey chocolate protein powder from costco, mix 1 cup skim milk, 5 ice cubes and 1/2-1 banana and 1 TBSL. ground flax seed. I swear by it. You are doing a great job- you are trying to get healthy which I believe is the number one right reason for doing this. I am more impressed, however, that you are happy in your skin regardless of your size. I was miserable and over the last 8 months I've put on 10 pounds because I have been so swamped with 6 kids blah blah blah, that I have fallen by the wayside. Thank you for venting. love you -julie

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    1. Julie, thanks for taking the time to listen to my vent (I can't keep up with my three kids I don't know how you do it with six). I've been drinking Lifetime's protein shakes now (they state there are no toxic additives in them) for breakfast now for a while. I do think the protein does help. I was feeling like I was dying on the lower calories and less protein so I see why you swear by it. Julie you are beautiful. Always have been. Love yah back!

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  3. Ryan did the tests waste of money. Don't fall for it. You can research and learn more for free at home. His test told him to eat 3300 calories. His do you loose weight eating that much? So dumb. I love the gym but they will nickel and dime you to death.

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  4. I love what Julie said. I use that same protein as her. What you have been doing is inspirational and good. But there has to be a balance. It's easy to see & feel that in our own personal lives, how it's affecting us. It is different for everyone. There has to be balance. Your sweet sweet husband! How nice and supportive of him. London, you wow me. I think of you all the time. Keep going. I think you need more food. :) Love you!

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